You have been talking to this guy, he is funny, he is charming and you have similar interests. But there’s something missing, you just can’t put a finger on it. You’re trying to find answers, but all you’re getting is more questions. Everything feels uncertain, right? If yes, then, unfortunately, you’re in a complicated relationship.
When you don’t see your relationship going in any direction, positive or negative, your love life gets labelled as “Complicated”.
There are many signs of such relationships that people seem to dismiss. Mostly because the relationship is fun right now, and they want to avoid getting serious. But when the time comes, when the fun gets over, these relationships stand on a bridge where either side of the bridge feels like a trap.
So people usually choose to jump to the side that feels like a better option than the other. Unfortunately, at times, that side proves to be the wrong one. People think that they have to choose one or the other. They forget one important thing: there’s always a third option.
In simple terms, instead of surrounding yourself and your partner with chaos and confusion, you can commit to the relationship by talking things out.
If you really like this person and want to be with them, you have to communicate your feelings to them. More importantly, you have to be good at listening to their concerns. Both of your needs are important, and you deserve better than an uncertain and sour relationship.
This article explains what complicated relationships are, how to look for the signs of such relationships, and how to manage these relationships.
Complicated Relationship Meaning
There are many relationships that have complications. You experience ups and downs in a friendship, a platonic relationship, and even the relationship you have with your parents. But these complications sort themselves out because the people mean a lot to you. You know them and understand their situations.
But what happens when this relationship is with someone else? What if it’s with a person, who you thought would be a perfect fit for you, but now you don’t feel the same way?
A complicated relationship is a type of relationship that has no balance. Yes, any relationship does not have a complete hundred per cent stability. But, in these types of relationships, the consistency is in the instability.
Couples in a complicated relationship don’t always meet each other in the middle, at times they are selfish, they are either too involved in their partner or completely uninvolved in them.
Signs of a Complicated Relationship Status
People love to be in the safe bubble of a new relationship. They don’t want to say or do anything that might cause the bubble to burst. A complicated relationship has many signs. If people start paying attention to them when they first start appearing in the relationship, then the relationship problems can be avoided. Here are some of the signs that you need to look out for if you don’t want to put that label on your relationship.
- What you want: Sometimes when you are blaming the other person for their faults, you forget to look at yourself. Maybe they are ready to be with you, but your heart is in doubt. You are still not over your ex, or you want it to be a casual relationship. When you don’t have clarity in mind, the mess keeps on piling up.
- What they want: It is equally important to know what the other person wants. You ignore their uninterested behaviour towards you, and before you know it, the relationship takes a complicated turn.
- Commitment issues: A complicated relationship is messy because there is a lack of commitment between the two people. The reason for this is perhaps fear, insecurity, or busy life schedules.
- Blurry future: You both are committed to being in the relationship. Despite that, you don’t see a future together. You don’t want to sacrifice your career, and they want to get married soon. Talking about these things is what couples avoid the most and this behaviour costs them the relationship.
- Unending fights: When every time you talk, you end up fighting. Whatever the issue is, big or small, it always ends in constant yelling and arguing. This is probably one of the biggest signs of a complicated relationship.
Types of Complicated Relationships
You may be thinking, “A complicated relationship is already complicated enough, but there are types of it too?”
Yes, there are different types of relationships that are known to be complicated. You might be able to convince people that you have the ‘perfect’ relationship. But, you’ll know there’s something off about your relationship.
- Friends with benefits: This is a common type of relationship. You both are not looking for a relationship or any kind of commitment. You are liking the way the relationship is going. But then one person starts to have feelings for the other. The other person does not necessarily reciprocate those feelings.
- In love with a best friend: It’s another one of the most common complicated relationships. They know everything about you: they’ve seen you cry, laugh, win and lose and you are in love with them. What do you do? Asking them out might cost you your best friend. If not that, then things will always be *awkward* with them after your confession.
- Crushing on a married person: Having a crush on a friend’s spouse or a cousin’s spouse can’t possibly end in a good way. These types of relationships are messy and not acceptable in any way. When people start pursuing such relationships, they put other people at harm too. There is always a third or even a fourth person who gets hurt in this type of relationship.
- Fake love: At the start of the relationship, you say a lie or two, to make an impression on the other person. Soon, these lies keep on building for months and years. One day, the truth starts to come out and instead of apologizing, you get defensive. Everything becomes uncontrollable and messy. They don’t trust you anymore, and hence, you have a complicated relationship.
Impact of a Complicated Relationship
Such relationships leave a long-lasting impact on our lives. They start affecting you in ways that you can’t concentrate on other aspects of your life. Here’s how a complicated relationship impacts people.
- You lose a friend: Before everything took a drastic turn, you both were great with each other. You both vibed with each other as friends, and you always wanted to talk to them. But as things progressed, communication got less, one of you started ignoring the other person, you stopped giving time to each other, and so on. The complications of a relationship impact the friendship you had with that person.
- Being biased: As things start to get complicated, you put your doubts aside, you think to yourself that you will deal with them later on. You only look at your relationship from one point of view.
- Unhealthy patterns: As a result of looking at things from one point of view, you keep yourself fixated on the good parts. You rationalize behaviours by thinking that as long as those positive things keep happening, they will always outweigh the negativity of your relationship.
- Psychological consequences: As mentioned earlier, people in such relationships fight too often. These fights and arguments can push you and your partner to your limits. Once what was a happy relationship is now a suffocating relationship. Many people start getting stressed, and some people’s existing psychological issues get worse.
- Losing trust: One of the scariest things that happen because of these relationships is that people start losing their trust in each other. Even an act of kindness is met with assumptions and allegations.
How to Navigate a Complicated Relationship
Relationships that are complicated don’t have to stay that way. Ignoring the red flags is not the way to go. There are approaches that you can use to remove that “complicated” label. With a little hard work and patience, you and your partner can work towards improving your relationship status.
- Communication: The most important step in navigating your relationship would be to communicate with your partner. The communication should be from both ways. You are not scratching the surface, you both have to answer and listen to things that may be hurtful and upsetting. This will allow you both to understand each other’s situations a little better.
- An outsider’s perspective: Your relationship problems don’t have to stay in the four walls of your home. When you talk about your issues to other people, such as a friend, relative, cousin, or parents, they can give you their insights. Building a support system outside your relationship may give you meaningful advice and tips on how to deal with the situations realistically. You can also receive validation from your loved ones.
- Your involvement: When you talk to other people, they highlight things that you never paid attention to. You were always looking out for yourself, but you wanted to save the relationship too. Doing both is not easy. It may hurt you to some scale, yet you have to know where you stand in the relationship. How much have you contributed to it? Have you tried to be there for them? Do you appreciate them for their contributions?
Tips to Manage a Complicated Relationship
- Be caring: Show them that you still care about them. Cook something for them, plan a weekend holiday or buy them flowers and gifts. Step up a little and make sweet gestures to show how much you care about them and the relationship.
- Ask yourself why the relationship ever started: Because of the complications, you might have forgotten why you fell in love with your partner. Remind yourself why you had that initial attraction and how you started developing these feelings.
- Remove the toxicity: Whatever barriers you are facing in your relationships need to be removed. Many unimportant and messy stuff that makes the relationship’s environment negative should be removed.
- Go to a counsellor: Relationship counselling is a great way to manage the issues you face in your relationship. Going to a professional relationship counsellor will help you face your fears and insecurities. You will feel a sense of empowerment. The counsellor will help you communicate your feelings to your partner.
- Be Honest: If it is you who is the problem, then you should be honest with your partner and with yourself. Step outside the bubble for a moment and look at your actions and behaviours.
- Give each other personal space: Sometimes you both are too involved in each other’s lives that there is no personal space you have for yourself. Your partner would appreciate it if you give them some space that is just for them and their thoughts.
- Trust each other: Relationships have a stronger foundation when they are built on trust. Although your partner may have broken your trust a few times, giving them a chance to win that trust back will help your relationship. Same way, you should trust them that they will be honest from now on.
What Are Complicated Relationships?
When a relationship has unhealthy behavioural patterns, it’s termed a “complicated relationship”. In these relationships, couples have the tendency to fight too much with each other.
Many of these relationships are built on lies. Usually, these lies are not of small nature, lying to your partner about your favourite colour is okay. But lying to your partner about never having smoked in life when, in reality, you are a passive smoker, is what harms the relationship in the future.
Relationships get complicated because of the questionable nature of people in those relationships.
How Do You Handle a Complicated Relationship?
Handling relationships is not easy if you don’t put your heart into it. You need to clear your mind and understand every little detail of your relationship. Why, anything that ever happened, happened that way?
Talking about your insecurities, knowing your feelings, understanding their feelings, confronting yourself to all those things that you kept ignoring is how you would reach a positive conclusion.
Many couples decide to opt for therapy when they see such blocks in their relationships. When they apply the learnings of their therapy sessions into their relationships, they can start to see the changes.
It is through small steps that couples start to recognize their faults and work towards improving them. Many people do not find time for themselves when their relationship turns complicated, they are always involved in their partner’s life. That is when they should practice having personal boundaries. Having a space for themselves allows your partner to have clarity too.
How To Describe A Complicated Relationship?
In a relationship where either of the partners does not know what they want, they can’t commit to each other, they often create misunderstandings between each other. Relationships that face many complications are full of uncertainty. The couple feels helpless as they don’t see solutions to their problems. They keep blaming the other person and are oblivious to personal shortcomings.
The atmosphere of such a relationship is where the couples don’t recognize each other. They forget why they fell in love with each other, and they stop caring about each other.
One of the partners may get too involved in the other’s life. Or they start being aloof, alienating themselves from everything.
This may happen because the relationship has impacted them so negatively and given them so much stress that they start pushing people away. They do not even think of their partners.
What Are The Signs Of A Complicated Relationship?
There are many signs of complicated relationships. These signs have always been there, but they always go unnoticed by the couples. Ignoring these signs and putting them on top of each other, one day breaks the illusion of a healthy relationship.
Being in such a relationship, the couples don’t see a future with each other, and they are not fully committed to each other. The relationship may be going good in the present, but it is important that the couple knows where they are headed for the future.
Moreover, when the couple does not know what the other person wants from them, they are left making assumptions. Making these assumptions is not a healthy habit.
You have always been taught that a couple that fights a lot would never last. So, you never fight. You only look at the good parts. You know that if you speak up, it will hurt your relationship.
Therefore, you stay in that complicated relationship, you watch it go in a downward spiral. All the signs are visible to you, but you choose to turn a blind eye to them.
The impacts that this brings to both of you can be scary. You may not only lose your relationship, but you will also lose a precious friendship. You start getting stressed, become defensive because you feel attacked. Everything takes a turn to crazy, you become clueless and don’t understand how you would get out of this mess.
But none of it has to be this way. Engaging in healthy behaviours, and communicating about your feelings with each other, will help you manage and improve your relationship status. Talking to professional counsellors helps you navigate your feelings to each other. Discussing your relationship problems with a friend or cousin can help you too. They may have faced something similar in their relationships, so they know how to help you.
You and your partner can’t right all the wrongs, but accepting those mistakes and trusting each other to do better will give you both a fresh start.